Monday, April 20, 2009

Why then, does it hurt?

Brian and I have been earnestly pursuing growing our family through the miracle of adoption since January 2007.

Although, we LOVE our life and we LOVE our children and we are SO thankful for our MANY blessings -which by the way are COUNTLESS.

We still feel incomplete. We still feel like God has a little more...a little some one for us.

But 27 months, 4 "potential" children, 2 home studies, numerous countries, too many agencies and endless prayer requests...

All of which we felt were at His prompting yet they led us only to to closed doors, crushed dreams and broken hearts.

It has been our sole desire to be in the center of Gods will. To be in the palm of His hand. And to submit to His leading....

We have asked Him to guide our path, to lead us to "our" child, to close doors that are not of Him.

Yet, when He does, I ache. I hurt. I mourn the loss of another child. I'm sad. Sick. Confused.

If I trust Him...if I believe His ways are better than mine...if I claim I want to be in the center of His will...

Why then does it hurt?


2 comments:

candidchatter said...

Jen: It does hurt. You know my story, I think. The pain was unbearable. But, as I found, He really does have a plan for you and your pain will turn into joy. It will. Jaxon is my proof. Somebody out there is yours. I am going to pray for you. I had no idea you were going through loss like this. I still remember when Rich told me he didn't want to adopt after years of planning for it and being excited for it. Then the miscarriage a couple of months later. Heartbreak after heartbreak, then depression. Now my baby Jack. Don't lose hope. DO NOT LOSE HOPE! Love sent your way!!
Heidi

Jen said...

Thank you Heidi ofr your sweet comment and encouraging words.

You are precious to me!

Hugs,
JG