Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Never Say Never (Part 3)

With my safety net of Liberty gone I felt uncomfortably vulnerable.

I remained on my knees waiting for the Lord to reveal Himself and His will to me.

I continued to seek council from my 3 trusted and cherished friends.

I researched Home Schooling options and ignored the remote possibility of Public School. Because I was NEVER EVER going to send my children there and surely God would see He had already asked enough out of me and therefor He would not even consider that option.

I started to embrace the idea of Home Schooling. Although, I didn't feel called to Home School I believed it was the *only* option I had so I planned to make the most out of it.

Because Sadie receives Speech Therapy for her cleft palate through the Public School System I knew that if I chose to Home School I would need to enroll her in a private Home Schooling Umbrella.

This Umbrella would keep me accountable and would allow Sadie to receive her therapies.

But when I went to Brian about my Home Schooling *plan* he still wasn't on board. He agreed to continue praying about it and even agreed to meet with the private umbrella but he truly felt as though the Lord was opening doors to Public School.

What? Come again? Are you kidding me?

I ignored him and his ridiculous statement and I called the private school umbrella.

There was no answer so I left a message. No call back. I of course called again. And again no return call.

I figured it was summer and the hours and staff were limited but since there was only one "Umbrella" that I knew of and I wasn't having any luck reaching them I grew impatient.

And I called one of those 3 trusted friends. She made some calls for me. And low and behold I had a returned call that day. Unfortunately I missed that call and the gal and I played phone tag for 2 days.

The lady then gave my name and # to another lady in hopes she and I would be able to connect ~ which we did.

She was so patient and kind and listened as I poured my heart out to her. I shared with her my fears of Home School, my fears of Public School. My frustration of having NO PLAN. She listened to me, she encouraged me, and she counciled me. And then she told me I needed to submit to my husband...

What? Come again? Are you kidding me?

Once again I became frustrated and angry.

So I called my 3rd trusted friend. And she said "what are your options"

And I said: "1. Liberty, 2. Home School, 3. Public School"

She said, "actually Jen, you only have one option. The Lord already told you to withdraw the kids from Liberty so that it not an option. Your husband is not on board with Home School so that too is not an option. The way I see it you only have 1 option and its Public School. You need to submit to your husband. BUT...don't think of this as the plan for the rest of their lives. Think of it as a season. Just take it one day at a time. And be prepared to change the course when/if the Lord calls you to do so.

When we hung up ~ I just wept.

Those were the EXACT words Brian had used when he told me he believed we were being led to Public School. He said to me "I'm not saying this is the plan for the rest of their lives. I'm saying its a season. We just need to take it one day at a time and we change the course as soon as the Lord calls us to do so".

I felt defeated and confused.

But I also trusted that Brian hadn't come to this conclusion without the wisdom and discernment of the Holy Spirit.

He had been putting as much time, research and prayer into this as I had. Maybe more because at least his heart was receptive to hearing from the Lord.

He met with as many school board officials as he had contact with. He went to lunches, made phone calls, visited schools, etc. He sought prayer and council. He fasted and prayed.

He did all the things I did. Except reject God and His plan. Instead he listened, he waited and he trusted.

He also NEVER argued with me, NEVER forced me to submit and NEVER made me feel bad or guilty for my struggle.

He just prayed me through....

(more tomorrow)


Kellie Fenichel said...

Wow Jen, This blog is certinly a blessing...thank you for sharing.

Jen said...

Thank you my friend for reading :)