Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Never Say Never (Part 2)

I spent the entire month of June on my knees.

Not seeking the heart of God or His will for our family ~ but rather begging Him to submit to *my* plan.

My perfect plan. The one I have proven doesn't just work but works well!!

And He repeatedly said "NO".

He said 'trust me".

I cried more. I got more angry. I demanded a *plan*.

I told Him I would not move until I heard Him speak.

He told me He would NOT speak until I moved.

So I had a standoff with God.

And I was prepared to be disobedient and suffer the consequences. Until ~ one of those 3 trusted friends I spoke about previously ~ reminded me that it probably wouldn't be me who suffered the consequence, but my children. She reminded me that I did not know what God had intended for my children or the blessings they would be missing out on if I continued this standoff.

OUCH!!!

So I spent some thinking about my "options" and I knew I only had two. Home School or Public School. Since neither were ever part of *my plan* I figured I may as well do some research on both and get a *plan* together...

Throughout all my research and "planning" neither option seemed right. I didn't have a peace about embracing either.

When I thought about Home Schooling I got overwhelmed and exhausted. Stressed and scared. When I would talk to Brian he would say he didn't see us being a Home Schooling family. He agreed to pray about it with me but he was not feeling led in that direction.

When I thought about Public School the hair on the back of my neck would raise. I would have shortness of breath and chest pains (literally!) The thought of Public School scared the daylights out of me. I remember telling God that if Public School was His will that He was basically asking me to send my babies to the wolves to be devoured.

As promised He remained silent.

Until June 23, 2009 when I woke up with a conviction I could mot shake...

The Lord said "do you trust me".

I said "yes"

He said "then call today".

I knew that meant He was asking me to call Liberty and withdraw my kids. I had been hoping to drag it out until July 1st when my tuition was actually due.

But He was asking me to make that call a week early.

I knew I would not get any additional direction or "plan" until I fulfilled this command.

So I called. I cried through the call and admitted I didn't understand God or why He was asking me to do this but that I had to be obedient....

(more tomorrow)

3 comments:

Krista ~ Bits and pieces said...

Girlfriend,

Thank you for sharing this story. I know that this period of your life could not have been easy. It takes courage to share this and allow others to see it is not always easy to do His will. Can't wait to read the rest of it!

Love you

Katie (and Tony) said...

Why do I get the feeling there is a HUGE end to this story? Why do I get the feeling I may know what it is? I'm afraid to say aloud, so I will await tomorrow's post....

Jen said...

Girls I love you both!!! And I am SO thankful for your friendship. I miss you both and think we are WAY over due for an adoption reunion :)